Why I do this
I was hooked on porn for 17 years. I tried everything. VPN locks, screen time passcodes, you name it. Prayer, confession, promises just to be broken again in a few days.
I'd pile up good days, even weeks, and lose all of it in one night. Because I was fighting something I should never have been fighting in the first place.
Then it stopped. In a single night, three days before my first date with the woman I knew I was going to marry. No new blocker. No willpower breakthrough.
What changed was where the pain landed. The moment I'd hit search, I was betraying her, right then and there, before I saw a single image. We all know the pain that comes after you finish. The guilt. The shame. That pain had never once stopped me. But now it came before I started, and there was nothing left to fight.
A year in, my fiancée told me she didn't want me staying away from porn because I couldn't get to it. She wanted me to stay away because that's not who I am. That's when I saw the man I actually was. A man porn has nothing on.
So I deleted every blocker I owned.
My phone has access to everything now. But not everything has access to me.
Over 500 days free. This is the work I do with men now. Not fighting porn. But moving beyond it.
-Dinu